Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category
Father’s Day Reflection
As a father, I reflect on what it means to me to be a father. I’ve now been a “dad” for more years than not. I can’t remember or imagine not being a father. I’m pleased and proud of what I’ve done in life and of the people I’ve befriended and the places I’ve been, of the individuals I’ve helped and those who’ve helped me. I think of the degrees I’ve attained and the titles that have come along with them. However, the title I enjoy most, like the great John Wayne, is “dad.” That title, and being a dad, has brought me more joy and definitely more pain than anything I would have believed as a single man. Being a father has made me more proud than anything in my life, and has also brought me more self-doubt than I have experienced from anything else in my life.
The pride that a father can feel for his child is the greatest pride. Likewise, nothing can make you more humble than the wonder that accompanies how to best be the model father one wishes to be. I often question “Did I handle that right?” These are the joys and sorrow which accompany love in any relationship. That bond that a father has toward his daughter(s) and/or son(s) is unlike any other. Once a father, always a father. And somehow, when a father thinks of his child, the pains that come with this ultimate responsibility are overshadowed by the love and gratification, potently inherent in that association.
I, as a father, do things for my kids, just as my father did many things for me, simply because they are my kids. There is no rhyme or reason why some parents love their children despite multiple indiscretions these children may have committed against their parents. The love a parent has toward his children is virtually instinctive, and very real.
Sincerely,
Dr. James G. Hood
or more profoundly…dad.
Thank for reading and blogging!
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Dental Care Associates of Spokane Valley, P.S.
Family and Cosmetic Dentistry Welcomes Patients
from Age 2 to 102!
James G. Hood, D.D.S., M.A.
507 North Sullivan Road, Suite A-1
Spokane Valley, WA 99037-8576 USA
Phone: (509) 928-9100 | Fax: (509) 928-0414
Email: drhood@drhood.com
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Nintendo 3DS and young eyes: Should parents really be concerned?
by Ben Silverman
Source: Yahoo
Nintendo has spent decades honing its reputation as a company safe for kids of all ages. But concerns about the effects of 3D visuals on the still-developing eyes of young children have added an air of uncertainty to the impending release of their new 3DS handheld.
Launching in North America on March 27, the system boasts 3D technology without requiring the use of cumbersome glasses. It’s the next iteration of the wildly successful DS line, which trails only the Playstation 2 as the best-selling game system ever. It’s already proven to be a big hit in Japan — and with pre-orders through the roof in both Europe and the U.S., it seems destined for (at least initial) greatness in other regions, too.
Parents, however, might be a bit surprised when they see the following warning slapped on the box containing their shiny new hardware:
“3D Mode for ages 7+. Warning: Viewing of 3D images by children 6 and under may cause vision damage. Use the parental control feature to restrict the display of 3D images for children 6 and under.”
Yikes. Heavy stuff for a fun-loving machine.
Nintendo acknowledged the issue several months ago, though that sticker shock is bound to raise a flurry of new questions as the device ships to stores. How alarmed should parents be?
According to Dr. Ahna Girshick, Postdoctoral Research Fellow at UC Berkeley’s EECS Department, the danger boils down to what we know — and what we don’t know — about the way kids perceive 3D.
“The Nintendo 3DS and all 3D media rely on the brain’s ability to decouple two visual processes which we use for depth perception: stereo vision (or “vergence”) and focus (or “accommodation”),” Girshick told Y! Games. “When viewing the natural world, these two systems are always coupled together.”
“In a 3D display,” Girshick continues, “we focus our eyes on the display but converge our eyes on the 3D content, which is generally at different distances. This is the trick which allows us to perceive artificial content as 3D. Much is known about these visual mechanisms in adults. However, we do not know what happens to children, whose visual systems are still developing.”
Girshick finds that lack of info troubling, and while she notes that to the best of her knowledge “there is no hard evidence that anything harmful will happen” to kids who are exposed to this sort of 3D tech, there’s also no data supporting its safety.
“And no parent wants their child to be ‘guinea pigs’ in an experiment for the entertainment industry,” she contends.
It’s a fair point, and one that likely echoes the thinking of more conservative parents. But it’s not the only opinion out there.
The American Optometric Association, in fact, has come out in support of children using the 3D feature of the 3DS, insisting that it’s not only safe for kids and adults, but that the technology might help identify eye problems that would have otherwise gone undetected, such as amblyopia (lazy eye). They’ve essentially disagreed with Nintendo, stating that “children younger than 6 can use the 3DS in 3D mode if their visual system is developing normally.”
So with the science up in the air, where does that leave parents? Playing it safe and following Nintendo’s advice — which is most likely plastered all over the box more for legal reasons than medical ones — is actually quite easy. The 3DS comes equipped with a full suite of parental control features, including the ability to disable all 3D images, restricting games based on ESRB game ratings, and limiting the wireless transmission of data.
Currently (and for the foreseeable future), no games for the system are designed only to work in 3D, so younger players will still be able to enjoy all of the system’s software in ‘boring’ old 2D. And as the AOA points out, moderation is always a good thing.
“While studies on the effects of prolonged 3D viewing on young children remain to be done, leaning toward the side of caution is advisable in guiding children to use these devices in moderation,” they say.
Family Movie Night
I work with a grassroots organization called Moms4FamilyTV, and our goal is to promote high-quality family friendly entertainment that the entire family can watch together. Our initiative is sponsored by Walmart and P&G, who have made it their goal to “bring back family movie night” by producing family entertainment for NBC and FOX.
The next film, Change of Plans, will air January 8th 8/7c on FOX. This heart-warming, funny film surrounds a married couple with no kids, who–through unfortunate events ends up adopting 4 kids from Africa, Asia, and South America. The film reveals how fulfilling life can be when you look beyond your own plans and invest in the lives of others. The film is also very pro-adoption!
Will you please help us make a difference?
We are asking people like you to help spread the word about Family Movie Night and Change of Plans.
Tune in: January 8th at 8/7c on FOX.
Share: Post the trailer on your website & Facebook page.
Watch the trailer: Change of Plans – Trailer
Spread the Word: Tell your friends and family, your church, anyone who has children or might be interested in supporting wholesome family entertainment.
Best regards,
Johanna Hatfield
Moms4FamilyTV Partnership Development
10 Things Your Teenager Won’t Tell You
By Kimberly Fusaro, for Woman’s Day
Wonder what’s bugging your teen? It’s hard to be certain when all your son does is grunt and your daughter won’t stop rolling her eyes. So rather than pressing our own kids to talk—not going to happen!—we asked teenagers from around the country what messages they wish they could share with their moms and dads. Sure, every child is different, but it may do you and your teen some good if you took these truthful kids’ concerns to heart.
1. She needs privacy.
“I hate that my parents don’t give me any personal space,” says Eleanor, 14. “And I hate that they don’t think I need it.” Even if your children share a room, give each child an area that’s off-limits to everyone else in the family (including you), such as a desk or a spare closet. To show that you respect your teen’s privacy, don’t rummage through her personal space unless you have a concrete reason to believe that she’s lying to you or hiding something serious. And remember: “All kids today are doing drugs” isn’t a concrete reason.
2. Sometimes he just needs you to listen.
“I want to tell my mom and dad everything,” says Keegan, 13, “but I don’t want to listen to them nag.” Understand that sometimes your kids just want a sounding board—they’re not looking for you to solve all their problems. When your son complains that his science teacher is being unfair or his soccer coach has been extra-hard on him, encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. (“Well, how does that make you feel?”) Don’t jump in with advice or threaten to intervene.
3. She may be dating—even if you’ve explicitly said she can’t.
“I didn’t tell my parents about a guy I dated for a year, because they didn’t allow me to have boyfriends,” says Marla, 15. “They knew we hung out, but I’d say, ‘Oh, we’re just friends.’” Try to be relaxed when it comes to dating—even if it’s killing you. Instead of forcing your daughter to sneak around, let her start with group dates, where at least four other kids are with her and her date at all times.
4. He may not be getting great grades on every assignment.
“I don’t tell my parents when I get a bad grade because I don’t want to listen to them tell me how I’ve let them down,” says Sam, 16, who says he occasionally fails a quiz but usually makes up for it with better exam scores. “There are nights I just don’t feel like studying!” Sometimes one bad grade is just that: one bad grade. If your son feels like he can vent to you about bombing a quiz or a book report, you won’t have to wait until the end of a semester to find out he’s struggling in school.
5. She doesn’t want to talk to you about sex.
“My mom knows I’ve kissed a boy,” says Sonia, 15, “but I don’t want to tell her anything else. It’s my life, not hers.” The good news is, in a 2005 government survey, less than half of high school students (47 percent) said they’d had sex. Still, it’s safest to assume your teen is in that 47 percent and educate her about birth control or preventing STDs. Don’t press her for personal details, but do offer advice; use third-person examples if it helps.
6. He hates when you don’t hold his siblings accountable.
“I hate that my parents don’t care how my youngest brother acts,” says Henry, 13. “When he swears or picks a fight with me or my older brother, they say, ‘He’s 7. He doesn’t know any better.’ But when I was his age I would have been in big trouble for swearing.” While it’s natural to become more lax as you have more children, it’s important to consider each unique situation, not just your children’s ages. Remember, all of your kids will respect you more if they think you’re a fair and reasonable parent.
7. She wishes you’d cut her some slack.
“It makes me sad when my mom screams at me when I’m already down,” says Erin, 17. Even if your daughter seems to screw up every time you turn around, it’s important that she doesn’t feel like you’re constantly coming down on her. When you’re upset, take some deep breaths; a few minutes might give you perspective (is it really worth it to lose your cool over dirty laundry?) and a chance to evaluate your daughter’s mood. Perhaps she’s ignored the laundry because she’s stressed about school or antsy about a boy who hasn’t called her back.
8. He lies to stay out of trouble.
“Sometimes I don’t come home because I’m too drunk to drive,” says Aaron, 19. “If I told my parents that, they’d flip out, so I lie.” While it would be irresponsible to give underage drinking the green light, you don’t want your child to be in an unsafe situation because he’s rushing to be home on time. If your son calls just before curfew and says he needs a ride, save your questions (and lectures) for the morning.
9. She gets frustrated when you use her age to your advantage.
“I can’t stand it when my parents say, ‘You’re 17. Act like a grownup,’ one day, and then turn around and say, ‘You’re not old enough to do that. You’re only 17,’ the next,” says Izzy. “Which is it? Make up your mind!” Since “age-appropriate” is subjective, try to give your child hard-and-fast rules that aren’t dependent on a number. (“Every member of this family attends church on Sunday,” or “Visiting friends at college isn’t allowed until you’re in college yourself.”)
10. He wishes you would trust him.
“My parents don’t trust that I don’t do drugs,” says Steven, 15. “And I really hate that they believe what other people tell them instead of what I tell them.” Constantly accusing your kids of this or that—especially if your accusations are unfounded—breeds mistrust. Eventually they’ll do something dishonest just because they’re sick of being wrongly accused. Trust your kids until they give you a real reason not to.
Hope for Healing
Some time ago we remodeled our home. A project that was to last 6 months went on for nearly 30 months and the costs soared. Throughout the project we met workers that did a great job, but others who took advantage of us. They lied to us, conned us, made horrendous mistakes, broke promises, and caused much pain and hardship.
I asked a number of questions throughout the project…questions like: “Why in the world does this need to be done this way?” or “I thought we had planned for that?” and ultimately, “Why has something that was supposed to be so quick and easy, now become so drawn out and hard…will it ever end?” Sound familiar?
Maybe your relationship with your teenager feels like my home remodeling project. Perhaps what you thought would be a momentary struggle has turned into open wound that won’t heal. Maybe your plans for your teen are seemingly going awry, and they are lying, conning you, and making horrible mistakes. If so, I want to challenge you to a different perspective.
Conflict and Struggle With Your Teen Can Bring About Change
What’s that perspective? That conflict and struggle can bring about change. I know that statement is true in my life. And, I believe it can be true in yours. So, look for the positive purpose in the conflict you are having today.
Consider this…if you have ever prayed to be the parent God has called you to be, that’s just what He’s doing! This is a time of tremendous opportunity to build into your child’s life…trusting God to direct your path along the way. Now’s your chance to be used when you’re needed the most.
Don’t back off from the role that He’s called you to. Your understanding of your parenting role is necessary. Your willingness to hang in there during this tough time is perseverance at its best. Your commitment to be a part of God’s plan for your child, seen or unseen, is godly. Your loving your child when it isn’t so pretty is true love. Your knowledge that God is involved in your family is an anchor of hope that will keep you reflecting His love to your child.
And if you will keep the perspective that conflict can bring about change, there is genuine hope….hope that your child can get on the other side and that your relationship can be healed.
The Bigger Picture
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” So don’t give up. And keep a proper frame of mind.” — Galatians 6:9
When you begin to think about your child and what they’ve been involved in behaviorally, more times than not, it’s usually worse than what you think, but never quite as bad as you can imagine. But no matter what you think or what you imagine, there is nothing that can’t be overcome, and there is no relationship that can’t be restored….none.
Understand that what is happening right now in the life of your child and your family is not the whole story. The whole story is what God is up to…His “bigger picture” which entails a whole lot more people than you or your child. And the breadth of that picture is spread far beyond your timing.
I know that it’s hard to think about the bigger picture when you hurt for your child now. But there’s a lot more going on than your situation and your child’s behavior. It doesn’t mean your struggle is any less important, but it does help with keeping your situation in a proper framework. Use this difficult time as a prod to deepen your relationship with your child, and you’ll shorten the amount of time that your child remains in their darkness.
Finally, don’t panic and don’t try to “fix” your child. Fix the boundaries, fix the consequences, and maybe even change the environment, but you’ll never fix your child. Only God can change your child’s heart. Instead, focus on what you can fix in your parenting, and get out of God’s way to do what He needs to do.
Over the years I have found that parents usually get pretty scared when a child begins to struggle. Their fear is based on the realization that they may not be ready to tackle these new challenges. Some may “awfulize” the situation and make more of it than they should. Others may do nothing and hope the fire will extinguish itself. Or, it may be that they are just exhausted.
So, could this be a good time to place these things in God’s hands…into the hands of the one who promises that He will cause all things to work together for good? You bet it is! If you do, you will be on the pathway to restoration.
True Hope for Healing
The only true hope is that God is involved in what is going on with your child. Whether you see it or not isn’t going to change God’s plan for you or your child. So, if God is at work in the life of our child, we’d best understand what He’s doing. That understanding comes through prayer; prayer to understand His will and prayers of submission to God to do whatever He needs to do in your life and the life of your child to turn things around. The older I get, the more I understand that prayer is meant to help us get in line with and understand God’s perfect will, versus trying to influence or change it.
You and I know of God’s hand in the past…..we know of it in the future….but our difficulty comes in believing in His involvement in what is happening today. So, pray. And keep a daily diary; it will help you maintain perspective. Look for ways that God is working in your teen’s life, and record those; being sure to thank Him as you see His hand at work.
Yes, there is hope…if you will hang in there with your child…trust God to fulfill His plan…keep a right perspective…and understand that there is indeed a path to restoration. Depend on His promises to remain true. God, the Creator, is fully capable to fashion a new life and a new relationship between you and your child…so allow Him to heal your relationship. He’ll amaze you, as he does me, as He creates abundant life and perfection out of dust and confusion.
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